In Desperate Need
by LoveforPenandDerek
Summary: Emily is struggling to put her life back together, while Reid struggles to understand the depths of his feelings for her. Series of drabbles.
1. Chapter 1

In Desperate Need

What follows is a series of drabbles. The prompts come from Facebook's Drabble Song Challenge, with special thanks to Bonesbird. The rules state the entry can not be over 500 words. One prompt a day is given. I will do them in the order they were given, so that will dictate the course of this story.

Fair warning, this fic has angst.

**Prompt 1:**

_Any minute now my ship is coming in  
>I'll keep checking the horizon<br>And I'll stand on the bow  
>Feel the waves come crashing<em>

**January 2012**

"I'm having a bad day," she had told Hotch, with the slightest trace of tears in the dark depths of her eyes. Crying on the job was unheard of for SSA Emily Prentiss.

At least it used to be.

Things were different since she had come back from being in Paris. She was _different, _changed in ways that she couldn't explain to her therapist but they were real and profound nonetheless. What she wanted out of her life wasn't the same anymore. That was one of the reasons why she had hesitated for a moment before accepting Strauss' job offer to re-join the BAU.

As much as Emily had known that the team had wanted her back, she also had known this wasn't the right place for her anymore. With everyday that she stayed here she sacrificed one more day that she wasn't a mother.

Just this morning she had taken yet another home pregnancy test. The fourth one in as many months. The minus sign mocked her- reminding her of the painful reality of all the wrong turns she had taken in her life that had left her without a man who loved her, and made her have to pay for sperm to try to conceive.

Sometimes she hated her job. Hated herself. Hated the mistakes she had made in her past. Sometimes it was a very_ bad_ day indeed.

When Reid sat across from her on the flight home he didn't say anything, just gave her a knowing look. It was a comfort to have a friend that she could talk to and also to have someone who she didn't have to say a word to and he would know when she was in trouble. That was the one thing he had made her promise before he could forgive her deception: to never again keep her pain a secret.

"I'm going to be okay," she told him.

"I know," he replied back, sounding so sure of himself that she had no choice but to believe it too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Prompt 2:**

_This isn't goodbye- even as I watch you leave.  
><em>

_This isn't goodbye. _

_I swear I won't cry-even as tears fill my eyes._

_I swear I won't cry._

_Any other girl, I'd let you walk away.  
>Any other girl, I'm sure I'd be okay.<br>_

**January 2012**

There are other friends in his life but she's somehow different.

She's Emily, which means she can frustrate the hell out of him with the way she will bug him until he tells her what's wrong but it also means she's the one person on their team who always treats him completely as an adult, who he can tell anything.

It's only fair that it should be a two way street and that is exactly what Reid demanded when she returned to the team- that she be as open with him as she expected him to be with her. She agreed but he knew it would be hard for her.

It isn't that easy for Emily to spill her guts. She's a woman of secrets, has been all her life, but he has to give her credit because she has been opening up more and more lately.

Tonight they are in her living room- her sprawled out on the couch in jogging pants and an old t-shirt with the name of a band that Reid has never heard of written on it and he's in the chair with his long legs propped on the end of the couch, resting near her feet. The remnants of leftover dinner dishes lay on the coffee table.

They had coffee after dinner and their talk had lasted for hours.

He's never been able to talk like this with any woman before. To learn all her fears and worries, to share his. He has good friends that he can tell almost anything but Emily's just different. Something about her makes him want to open up more.

Watching her tonight he can't help but remember the feeling of when he was told that she had died during surgery the year before- how he wanted to run to her side, pull her into his arms and sob, beg her not to leave him because he needed her too much, tell her how she had been so important to him and no one could take her place- but JJ had stopped him from going to Emily.

"What is that look all about?" Emily asks him, stopping in mid-sentence from telling him a story.

"Oh," he muses "I was just remembering how much I missed talks like this with you while you were away."

Her eyes grow shiny with a hint of tears. Emily never used to cry. Now sometimes it seems like she fights back tears almost everyday but Reid has only seen her fighting tears 23 out of the last 30 days. So it's technically not every day, just a majority of them.

Fertility drugs affect a woman's hormones and emotions but it's more than that. Emily's struggling to keep her head above water. Reid knows that this time she will make it because her friends, especially him, now know she's in trouble, in desperate need of their help, and they will make sure she doesn't drown on their watch.


	3. Chapter 3

**Prompt 3:**

_Are you sure that you're mine?  
>Aren't you dating other guys?<em>

_Cause you're so cheap_

_and I'm not blind._

_You're not worthy of my time_

**February 2012**

SSA Spencer Reid may be a genius but when it comes to love he is anything other than brilliant.

For a man like him- who spends his free time with his nose shoved in a book or mind focused on something obscure, educational, nerdy, magical or possibly all those rolled into one- maybe it should come as little surprise that he had no clue he was in love with someone until probably months, or even years, after he first fell for her.

_Oh, that's what that is_, he thinks to himself when he finally gets alone in his hotel room, angrily yanking off his clothes. He's been pissed off all day and the reason seemed ridiculous at first but now he's put it all together to his satisfaction.

He hated watching Emily flirt with the local detective because Reid thought of Emily as his.

But she's not. It's nearly Valentine's day and he is as alone as he has been most of his life. It's a holiday he's never celebrated with anyone but his mother. Years ago he accepted the fact that he wasn't good at romance and that he would spend the majority of his life without that kind of love in it.

He was okay with that. Today, he's not okay. Today Emily hit on some stranger while Reid was standing right there. Today everything in him hurts.

Today he knows he loves her but he doesn't think it matters much because, at the end of the day, he's still alone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Prompt 4:**

_And the crowd,_

_silent as a whisper,  
>listen as she recites her sins.<em>

_And one by one, _

_with different agendas,  
>they pull out their sympathy.<em>

_And you're still my living proof._

**February 2012**

"Ugh, what can I say?" Emily asked, as JJ and Garcia stared at her with their mouths hanging open.

They were all gathered in Garcia's office, having coffee before work on Wednesday.

"You could say," JJ told her "you didn't have a one night stand with a guy whose name you can't even remember but that would be a lie."

"It was Valentine's day," Emily said. "I was wasted and alone and...still not pregnant."

"Oh, sweetie," Penelope murmured.

"Please, don't!" Emily held up one hand to hold back the onslaught of sympathy. "My head is throbbing. I'm wearing yesterday's panties. And I'm on enough drugs to send me into orbit if anyone so much as looks at me the wrong way. So please, don't. Just don't. I only told you all because I don't have the energy to hide it and I know how you are all...you won't let up till I tell you why I look like death warmed over today."

"Hell yeah, we wouldn't," JJ said "cause we got your back."

"I know," Emily said. She thought for a moment. "I think his name was Fred...Frank...no, Freddie...Frankie. Something like that."

"Want me to cyber search him out?" Garcia asked. "I'll find out his name and the nickname only his Granny calls him if you want me to."

"No, I just want to forget," Emily said.

Sometimes she wanted to forget every choice she ever made because they all led her to this lonely empty life she had and sometimes it was just too much to take. There were days when she told herself she didn't need a man in her life but then she went and made horrible choices just to try to get one in her life, if only for a night.

Who was she fooling? She was sick of being so alone. Sergio was great but, at the end of the day, he was still just a _cat_.

Emily wanted more. Needed more. Needed a man who could be a partner to her in every way. A man she could talk to for hours and not run out of things to say, a man she didn't need to fill in the silences with and could sit without saying a word all afternoon but feel like the time wasn't wasted, a man she could be honest with...who really knew her.

There was only one man like that in her life but she didn't want to screw up their friendship and lose him by hitting on him. So that left her alone every night...trying to pretend she didn't mind being so damn lonely. The problem was that she couldn't even fool herself anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

**Note: **_please remember this is a drabble challenge fic and the rules of the challenge say the chapters can not be over 500 words. Some are only 300 because that is how it worked out and some are closer to 500._

**Prompt 5:**

_It's nice to know that you were there.  
>Thanks for acting like you cared<br>and making me feel like I was the only one._

_It's nice to know we had it all.  
>Thanks for watching as I fall.<br>And letting me know we were done._

**February 2012**

She couldn't take his bad attitude anymore. This was the fourth day of Reid acting cranky and each day it was only getting worse.

Emily didn't know what the hell was bugging him but she had a bad feeling it was all directly related to her.

She had tried asking him a few days ago, when they were on a case, if he was all right and he had been short with her before walking away. Then came Valentine's day, that night passed in a drunken blur for her and the next day was a hangover that nearly knocked her on her ass, now it was Thursday and she was feeling slightly better- good enough to go toe to toe with any unsub and also to take on Reid.

"What is your problem?" Emily asked him, when they were alone together after lunch. "Are you pissed at me or something?"

"Everything in my life does not revolve around_ you,_" he sneered, before quickly walking away.

Later that evening, she sat on her desk and looked over at him. He was definitely tense still. She knew that talking to him right now would be like poking a hornet's nest but she couldn't help herself. She had always been like this with him- not able to leave well enough alone- even though it got her head bit off more times than she could count.

She just couldn't stand to see him hurting and had to try to fix things.

"I get it," Emily said. "I've been taking up too much of your time. Laying too many of my problems on you. Expecting you to always be free to spend time with me, listen to me whine, and I haven't been as good a friend back to you as you've been to me. I'm sorry but I'm here now if you need to talk."

All the anger seemed to drain out of him in that moment. He took his eyes off his paperwork and met her gaze. His voice was low and hoarse when he said "No, I'm the one who is sorry. I've been an ass. It's not your fault." Clearing his throat, he went on "I've just been...I'm dealing with some things this week."

"Things?"

"Feelings."

She arched an eyebrow. "About?"

"You."

For a long moment they just stared at each other, her heart in her throat, before she asked "Is this about last year again? You will never know how sorry I am-"

"I know you are. I guess I just never realized how much you really mean to me until after it was too late...at least it feels too late already."

"I'm here. I'm home."

His eyes went back to his paperwork and she knew he was shutting down, unwilling to talk about it anymore tonight. Whatever it was that he couldn't let go she wasn't going to be able to fix it right now. Grabbing her purse and coat she left...alone. Always alone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Prompt 6:**

_Hold on but don't hold too tight_

_Let go._

_You're gonna be alright_

_Don't run away from  
>what your heart is saying<em>

**February 2012**

He knew it was irrational and wrong to blame Emily for how he was feeling but Reid was overwhelmed by the onslaught of emotions he was slammed with that week: jealousy, anger, bitterness, love, lust, confusion, fear, heartache.

Realizing he was in love with her had been a painful experience he wasn't dealing very well with.

She had flirted with some detective, took home some loser from a bar- while Reid was right there watching the whole thing- and all Reid had done was got snippy with her instead of being honest, telling her it was like a knife in his gut to watch her with those guys.

It wasn't her fault. They had been friends for years. Other guys had come in and out of her life. It hadn't made Reid feel homicidal back then. His feelings for her had been growing for a long while and now he couldn't deny them or ignore them anymore.

He also couldn't let his feelings for her ruin their friendship, lose him his job and the life he built for himself. He had been acting like a jackass all week and it had to stop. They had too good of a friendship to let it fall apart now.

"Emily..." Reid got her attention when they were on the plane. She had been sitting next to and talking to JJ.

"Yeah?"

"Do you have plans for dinner yet?"

"Me? No. No big plans but going home to Sergio."

"Would you mind some company?"

Her eyes lit with even more surprise. "No...I wouldn't mind at all."

A small smile formed on his lips. He might not be able to be the guy she flirted with or the one she took home from a bar but he was someone to her...someone important. And Reid was not willing to give that up for anything. Not even so he could hurt less.

He could live with jealousy, pain, heartbreak and hurting. He couldn't live with losing Emily again. There's something so incredibly right about having her in his life, too right to let get messed up over his sudden epiphany that she was the perfect woman to spend the rest of his life with.

Right now they weren't like that with each other. Maybe they never would be. All he knew was he had to keep her in his life, whatever the cost, because he needed someone like Emily to talk to...to know she loved him back, even if it wasn't as deeply and completely as he was starting to sense he loved her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Prompt 7:**

_I'd move Heaven and Earth  
>in order to save you<em>

_Sail seven seas  
>Come to your rescue<em>

**February 2012**

"How did you get my address?" Emily asked, as she stood at the doorway to her apartment, talking to the guy from the bar.

"Googled you. I'm great with a computer."

"You're lucky you caught me at home. I work a lot. A _whole_ lot. I'm rarely in town."

He leaned closer. "Looks like tonight is your lucky night then."

Emily's jaw clenched. "Look, Frank-"

"Mark."

"If you say so. _Mark_, this really isn't a good time. I'm in the middle of something right now."

"Babe-"

"_Emily._ Not Babe. Emily," she gritted out. "Look, we were both wasted and I think we both knew it was a one time thing so lets not make this into something it's not."

"I wouldn't be here unless I felt we had a connection. Why don't you let me in and we can have a drink? Get to know each other better. I'm a cop, remember? I'm safe. Swear." He flashed a smile at her.

Just then Reid came up to the door, filling the space behind Emily. "Have you suffered a recent head injury?"

"Huh? What? Who are you?" Mark asked.

"Because," Reid continued, speaking fast, "if not there is really no excuse for your inability to understand the subtext of what she is saying: Your presence is a nuisance, only stalkers google people and show up at their door unannounced. Go away and don't come back unless you want to find yourself on the business end of a pistol."

Reid slammed the door shut. "I'm sorry, Emily. I shouldn't have lost my temper that way."

"Are you kidding me? That was awesome."

"I guess I feel protective of you but I know you can take care of yourself. You hardly need me to stick up for you."

"That's true. Still maybe he'll think you're my jealous, angry boyfriend who packs heat and stay away from now on."

"I doubt that." Reid walked away.

"A girl can dream."


	8. Chapter 8

**Prompt 8:**

_She said that I'm not the one  
>that she should bring home tonight<em>

_And I know that she's not the one  
>that I should bring home tonight<em>

**February 2012**

Hooking up with other people from the Narcotics Anonymous program was strictly forbidden. Not that the rules stopped it from happening. Reid had seen many people pair off after meetings but he never had before tonight.

Tonight there was Molly- blonde, in her early twenties, with big dark eyes that were nothing like Emily's. Molly's eyes were much more numb and devoid of strength, as if a strong breeze might knock her over and she'd never get up again.

"Do you like coffee?" Molly asked Reid, motioning at the cup he was holding in his hand.

He nodded.

She asked "Wanna come back to my place and have some?"

"I really shouldn't..."

"Come on." She headed for the door and he followed her.

Reid wasn't much for making the first move on a woman. He usually felt completely in over his head with every woman he ever got sexually involved with. He would follow their lead and hope it somehow all worked out, while all the time it never felt completely right.

Already he knew if he was with Emily it would feel as right as anything could ever feel and if he slept with Molly tonight it would feel completely wrong.

In the parking lot, he told her "I'm sorry. I have to go," as he looked at his phone, pretending to read a text. "It's work," and then he hurried to his car, sat behind the wheel and let out ragged breaths, knowing he had almost done something really self destructive just so he could stop the ache for a few minutes.

The ache of knowing he was in love but she didn't feel the same. Everything came back to Emily now...it had for a long while though. Only now Reid was finally admitting it to himself.

Picking up his cell, he called her. "Hey, what are you doing tonight?"

"Watching _Cheers_."

"What's that?"

She chuckled. "Reid, I love you. Only you would ask what is _Cheers_. It's an old sitcom from the eighties."

"I was in grade school in the eighties. My mom didn't let me watch sitcoms."

"Too bad. I think you would have liked _Doogie Howser_. Reminds me a lot of you."

"Why's that?"

"He became a doctor at like sixteen."

"I could have been a doctor by then but I wanted to double major."

Emily laughed again. Her laugh calmed something inside of Reid.

_This is enough,_ he told himself. _This can be enough_.


	9. Chapter 9

**Prompt 9:**

_Doesn't that sound familiar?  
>Doesn't that hit too close to home?<br>Doesn't that make you shiver?_

_The way things could have gone__**  
><strong>_

**March 2012**

Garcia was the softie of the team. Of course she would be the one to nearly break down in tears over the facts of the case: a man had been going to meet his high school sweetheart after not seeing her forty years but he was killed by their latest unsub on the way.

Garcia said "Now they'll never be reunited! It's just so unfair and tragic and-"

"Garcia," Hotch warned.

"Yes, sir," she said and went back to talking about the other victims, as she kept presenting the case.

Reid's eyes moved over the faces of the victims, his mind working at warp speed to see connections in their victomology. It wasn't until the case was solved- and they were coming home again on the jet- that Reid had time to ponder the sad fate of their first victim. The man had let the woman he loved get away, or life had taken her away from him, and they didn't get the chance to make it right again, despite both wanting to.

Just a year ago, Reid had been at Emily's funeral. Now she was on the same plane as him, a few feet away, and he could reach out and touch her if he wanted to. Last year he was just trying to figure out how close they could be, how much he needed her, but now he thought he understood why she was so important to him.

It didn't mean that things would ever change between them though. She was back in his life and their friendship grew deeper, more intimate and intense each day but it was still just a friendship. A friendship he didn't think he could live without...one he definitely didn't want to try to go without.

He wasn't good at romance. It was a sad but true fact of his life. Did that mean he'd never find a way to romance Emily- if she would even be receptive to that? A genius like Reid should be able to figure out love.

All he knew was he might spend his life just as lonely as their victim...missing the woman who made all the difference.


	10. Chapter 10

**Prompt 10:**

_You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night  
>You make me wanna hold you til the morning light<em>

_You make me wanna love_

_You make me wanna fall_

_You make me wanna surrender my_ _soul_

**March 2012**

"I know you love the guy," Emily said into her phone, as Reid sat in the chair next to her couch, "but Kevin is way off base on this one. Men and women can be strictly platonic friends, even if they spend a lot of time together. Your best friend happens to be a guy...yeah, well, that is a matter of opinion but I guess most people find Morgan pretty attractive still that's not the point...All I'm saying is don't let Kevin talk you into something you know is wrong for you. The friendship you have with Morgan is the friendship you need or else it wouldn't be the way it is. You both get what you need out of it, what you can't get from anyone else. Kevin needs to love you enough and trust you enough to understand that..."

After a while long, Emily finally got off the phone. "Sorry about that," she told Reid. "I feel like I've had that same conversation with her one thousand times already. Kevin is just so insecure about her and Morgan, thinking that men and women can't ever strictly be friends when they are so close but he's wrong."

"Jealousy is a primal instinct that helps to ensure the continuation of a species so in that sense he's right and only doing and feeling what comes naturally."

"Yeah, well this isn't cave man days and we're more than our base instincts. Kevin just needs to chill out. It's not like Garcia is ever gonna jump Morgan's bones or vica versa."

"Want to place a wager on that?"

Emily smirked. "You're lucky you're banned from Vegas because I think you could develop quite a problem with gambling."

"Doubtful. I'd have to lose to have a problem and I rarely lose."

"You keep saying that and I keep beating you- in poker, chess, scrabble-"

"You cheat! It doesn't count if you cheat."

"You're the cheater among us. Everyone knows that. I'm just good."

"Yeah, sure, a good _cheater_."

She smiled. "Says the sore _loser_."

"I don't lose."

Emily let out a laugh.

He said "It doesn't count if you cheat."

She kept laughing and Reid felt his heart lighten just a little bit more. It felt right to be here with Emily- like he was where he belonged.


	11. Chapter 11

**Prompt 11:**

_As weeks went by,_

_it showed that she was not fine._

_They told me _

"_Son, it's time to tell the truth,"_

_and she broke down_

_and I broke down  
>cause I was tired of lying.<em>

**April 2012**

"Damn it!" Emily cried, as she spilled her tea, because her hand had been shaking. Tea sloshed on her shirt. "God, my life! I swear!"

The team was gathered in a room at a place station. JJ reached for a napkin and passed it to Emily. "Here you go."

Emily waved her off. "This is a mess. Excuse me."

Hurrying from the room, she went to the bathroom. This had been a hellish day so far. It started with another negative home pregnancy test and then the team had to fly across the country for a case. Her ulcer was acting up and the hormones that she was on made her moody and emotional- something she hated.

By the time she made it back to the conference room, only Reid was there. He let her know the rest of the team had gone off on assignments and she was supposed to stay there with him, some of the victim's family members were coming in for interviews later and they were assigned to talk to them.

Reid gave her a worried look.

"I'm fine," she said. "My shirt is just a little worse for wear though."

He came over to her. "I was going to wait till tonight to ask you but..."

"No go again. I'm not pregnant."

"I'm sorry, Emily."

"Me too. I don't know how much longer I can do this."

He covered his hand with hers, as they stared deep into each other's eyes.

"It will be all worth it in the end," Reid said.

"That's what I keep trying to convince myself but maybe it won't be. Maybe I'll fail and none of this will be worth anything."

"You had to try or else you would never know. The worse kind of pain is the not knowing."

For a long moment they were silent before she said "I'm just sick of being so alone. You all are great, don't get me wrong, and Sergio is the best cat in the world but he's still just a _cat_ and you all have lives of your own...what do I have outside of this job? And I don't think taking up a hobby is going to fill this void, you know?"

"You could still get pregnant."

"This whole thing is too hard on me- mentally and physically."

"You're strong, Emily, and you're not alone. I'll never let you end up alone."

A very small smile came to her lips. Soon a detective came in and said the family members of their victim was there, breaking the moment and sending Reid and Prentiss back to work.


	12. Chapter 12

**Prompt 12:**

_Everyone's a little bit unsatisfied  
>Everyone goes round a little empty inside<em>

_Take a breath, _

_look around, _

_swallow your pride for now_

**April 2012**

There were days when Emily had wondered if she would ever see her mother again. They had a rocky relationship since Emily was a teenager but the last few years had strained things to what had seemed like the point of no return.

And then she heard, through a relative, that her mother was in the hospital. She had to have a tumor removed. Elizabeth had been fighting cancer while Emily had been distant and clueless to her mother's struggles.

Standing in the doorway of the hospital, she gazed at her mother, who was asleep in the bed.

_I'm sorry. I'm here now, _she silently said, feeling it was probably too little too late but it was still how she felt.

XXXXXX

She realized just how close she has gotten to Reid when she calls him from the hospital parking lot, as she is walking toward her car.

"My mother hates me!" she blurts out instead of hello.

"What happened now?"

"She's so cold and mean and," Emily swallows down her tears "I don't give a damn. To hell with that woman!" Then she gasps, realizing what she has said.

"Emily," his tone is understanding yet firm, saying so much while only saying her name.

"I know. I know." She turns around and heads back toward the hospital to apologize, once again, to her mother. "I gotta go. Looks like I have to eat crow again. Thank you for listening, Reid."

"You always listen to me too."

Emily hangs up. The tears in her eyes are retreating and a sense of strength and calm is taking over. She can handle dealing with her mother because she is not in this life alone. Emily has her friends and they will always pull her back from the edge- all she has to do is let them.

XXXXXXXXX

The relationship that Reid has with Emily, the way their friendship has grown closer recently, makes him realize how very empty his life has been for so long now. Usually he tries to ignore how he lives alone, spends most of his non-work time by himself, and how he can't ever claim to know what it has felt like to be wildly in love with someone who actually loves him back.

Usually he tries to forget the sadness that surrounds living a life that way.

These days he can't pretend anymore, can't forget, can't ignore it; he's reminded of it every time Emily smiles at him over a private joke, calls him up just to chat, and whenever they hang out together. Because it feels so right and it makes him long for more.

If he can't have it with Emily, maybe it's time to look for some other woman who can love him back...but no other woman could ever be Emily.

**AN**- _eating crow is a saying that means __you have to admit you were wrong._


	13. Chapter 13

**Prompt 13:**

_Cause all the stars are fading away._

_Try not to worry, _

_you'll see them someday._

_Just take what you need_

_and be on your way_

_And stop crying your heart out._

**April 2012**

"I'm going to stop the fertility treatments," Emily admitted to Reid, as they stood in front of the FBI issued SUV, late one evening.

They were waiting for the team to come out of the police station and join them. Morgan was helping Garcia pack up her computers, JJ was on the phone with Will, and Hotch and Rossi had been in the chief's office when Emily left the building.

"I'm sorry," Reid told her.

She gave him a small, sad smile. "Maybe not forever. I'm not sure. I just need a break."

"But you wanted this so badly. You can't give up, Emily."

"Yeah, I can. It's my call."

"I know that. All I'm saying is I hope you don't give up on this because I know how much it means to you."

"I know you do. You've been here for me every step of the way. Thank you, Reid."

"You would do the same for me."

They shared a small smile.

Emily said "At least I can drink again. After this case I could use one."

"Alcohol increases the acid in your stomach and is a known irritant to ulcers. It is recommended that anyone suffering from- "

"Ugh! Stop! You are not _that _kind of doctor. And I already know I shouldn't drink alcohol or coffee or eat certain foods. Where is the fun left in my life?"

"I can think of plenty of other things that can be a lot of fun."

Her eyes grew dark with a teasing glint. "Are you hitting on me?"

Just then Hotch cleared his throat, from behind Reid, causing Reid to jump slightly. He turned around and Hotch gave him a look that said _"I have my eye on you,_" which made Emily chuckle.

"I wasn't doing anything," Reid said, in a much too quick way that only made Emily chuckle more.

She knew their teasing was innocent but still it was fun to think that Reid might have been flirting with her.


	14. Chapter 14

**Prompt 14:**

_We've seen the other side of life and not been too impressed  
>It doesn't beat a day at home,<em>

_if you put it to the test._

_But at least we took the challenge_

_we didn't just pretend_

_Never mind the strangers cause I'll always be your friend  
>until the end<em>

**April 2012**

"My mother claims I'm the crazy one for doing this job," Reid told Emily, as he lay in a hospital bed after being slightly injured during a case.

"My mother says I threw my whole life away. She means the chance to be some big shot's little wife and birth his babies. Boo hoo, huh? How will we get over not living up to our potential?"

He gave her a small smile. "I know I'm in the right place."

She placed her hand on top of his. "You really gotta stop getting hurt. You end up in here at least once a year."

"It's not my fault. I don't ask to be kidnaped, poisoned and stalked. It could happen to anyone and does everyday. In fact, every three seconds someone is-"

"I don't really care about someone, I care about you."

He turned his hand over and took hold of hers. "I'll try harder to not get hurt as often."

Her smile grew as their eyes held. "Good cause I wouldn't want to be on this team without you."

Just then Morgan's voice interrupted them as him and Garcia came walking in the door. "Hey, hey, hey, check this out, baby girl. We caught them holding hands," he teased. Looking at Reid, he asked "Something you want to share with me?"

"Yes. Don't steal my jello this time. I like jello too, you know."

Morgan chuckled, while Emily and Garcia gave each other a look that asked "What are they talking about?"

Emily didn't ever get her answer about the story behind the jello comment but she didn't really care. She couldn't be more happy to know that Reid would be released from the hospital the next day, after the doctor's made sure he didn't have a concussion.

They may only be friends, despite her ever growing stronger feelings for him, but he was a friend she could not do without.


	15. Chapter 15

**Prompt 15:**

_These are my thoughts written down on paper.  
>It's my only savior from not saying what I wanna say.<em>

_There are the thoughts that are on my mind.  
>Moments that haven't yet been defined.<em>

_And I don't know if you can ever understand  
>These are the things I can't say when we're alone<em>

**April 2012**

She was such a complicated, secretive and private woman that she lied to her own therapist.

The beaura had forced Emily into therapy after she returned back to the States- being presumed dead by nearly everyone who knows and loves you was something deemed too stressful to be dealt with on her own.

But she found it impossible to tell the doctor the truth. If she did then Emily didn't think she would be cleared to go back to work. So she made up things that sounded good.

The doctor had instructed her to keep a journal and give it to the doctor each week, so the doctor could see what was bothering Emily the most. She had kept two journals- a fake one for the doctor, and a real one for herself.

In her real one she let out all the things she would deny if anyone asked: she did miss feeling close to her mother, she did regret the abortion on some days, and she did wonder why she couldn't allow herself to take a chance on the one man who made her heart race.

She had been called brave many times in her life. Her actions might be that but her heart was a coward, and the fear of people really knowing her...the real hidden her...kept Emily quiet way too often.

It felt like Reid was one of the few people Emily was starting to actually open up to in a more honest way but she still wasn't able to be completely open with him. As she read over the words she had written in her private journal- the months and months of growing feelings for him- she knew that it was time to start living bravely in all aspects of her life.

Putting down the journal, she let out a long, steadying breath and decided she would tell Spencer Reid that he had stolen her heart.


	16. Chapter 16

**Prompt 16:**

_You're the kinda guy whose hand in mine  
>sends shivers up and down my spine.<em>

_You took my heart  
>and put it back together again.<em>

**April 2012**

Once Emily had decided she would break down and tell Reid how she felt about him, it was hard to hold it in any longer- but she didn't have much choice in the matter.

They were called away on a case and it kept them busy for the better part of a week. Every time she looked at him she wanted to burst out with the words "I think I'm falling in love with you!"

She hadn't felt this kind of giddy, hopeful, heart soaring happiness in years and years, maybe in all her life if she was really honest about it. Just thinking he would know how she felt and maybe he would feel the same way back. It didn't matter that she was over forty; she felt young and excited and like her life was starting all over again.

When their case was over, the team walked back into the BAU. Emily waited till everyone had headed to their offices and JJ went to photocopy some paperwork, before she walked over to Reid.

"Come home with me tonight."

He looked up from his work and his eyes locked on hers. She watched as he swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing. "I'd like to hang out but I had other plans already. Maybe we could get together tommorow night?"

"I need it to be tonight, Reid."

His eyebrow quirked. "Is everything okay?"

She felt like a live wire, shivering inside and out but with a secret smile on her face, and thoughts of his lips upon hers running through her mind. She had come to far to back down now. Too many nights of longing for him had already passed, too many evenings hanging out as just friends had gone by.

Emily needed more and she needed it to start tonight. "Everything is perfect...if you say yes to me. Come on, it's me and I wouldn't ask unless it was important to me. The most important thing that has ever happened to me actually."

The expression on his face changed to one of understanding. "Okay then. I'll cancel my other plans."

She sagged with relief and her smile grew. Tonight would be their night.


	17. Chapter 17

**Prompt 17:**

_Just cause he can't hear what you say  
>Doesn't mean that he's not listening <em>

_Listening to your words  
>And he might like what you say<em>**  
><strong>

**April 2012**

"Come in," Emily said, reaching out to take Reid's hand and pull him into her apartment.

She had been aching to touch him all week long as she waited for the case to end so they could have this talk...so she could finally admit just how strong her feelings for him had grown lately. The feel of his hand was warm and strong. She wanted his touch all over her- from head to toe and back again. She needed it. Needed him.

He was the one and she finally could admit that.

"I know why I'm here," he said "and I'm thrilled for you."

She furrowed her eyebrow. "Huh?"

"You're pregnant, right? Sorry I ruined your chance to tell me. I guess I'm just excited for you. I know how long you've wanted this and how much it means to you. When you said to me that you wanted me to come over to talk about the most important thing in your life I knew it had to mean that you didn't stop the fertility treatments and they worked. That you are finally getting everything you ever wanted."

She tilted her head to the side and stared into his eyes for a moment. "I won't lie. I do really want a child but I'm not sure that will ever happen for me-"

"But I thought-"

"Listen, please. Just listen."

He nodded.

Emily went on "I've been so alone for so long, Reid. Yeah, I date sometimes but I never lose that empty feeling...that feeling of not really being known...except now. Except when I'm with you. I don't think you realize how much you've changed my life...I'm so grateful for how you're here for me when I probably don't deserve it after all I've put you through."

"We're friends. This is what friends do."

For a moment her heart sank and she almost left it at that: just_ friends_.


	18. Chapter 18

**Prompt 18:**

_I don't wanna wait_

_or leave it up to fate._

_I just wanna watch you all night._

**April 2012**

Spencer Reid thought he knew it all but the truth was he didn't know much about love. He was sure he was in love with his good friend Emily Prentiss but he didn't think it mattered much how he felt since she couldn't return his feelings.

They did spend a lot of time together outside of work. There was no denying how close they had grown since she had returned home from Paris. But he knew it stopped at friendship. He had watched her flirt with other men right in front of him, not caring what he saw, what he thought

He valued their closeness too much to let his deeper feelings for her destroy things between them. So he had come to terms with his own anger and pain at seeing her flirt with other guys, at feeling rejected by her, and now he was doing his best to be a supportive friend.

What she wanted most was a baby. She had been going through fertility treatments and was using donor sperm. At times it got to Reid that she would be impregnated by a stranger but he knew this wasn't about his feelings...it was about her future. A future he hoped would make her happy and that he would be around, as her friend, to share.

She had just told him how very grateful that she was to have him in her life.

"We're friends," he said "That is what friends are for."

He watched as the light in her eyes faded and she dropped his gaze.

"What, Emily? What's wrong?"

She looked up again, a defeated glint to her eyes. "I'm in love with you. That's what's wrong, you idiot!"

Automatically, he replied "I'm far from an idiot...wait a minute...what did you just say?"


	19. Chapter 19

**Prompt 19:**

_And when we meet, which I'm sure we will,  
>all that was there will be there still.<em>

_I'll let it pass and hold my tongue-_

_and you will think that I've moved on__**.**_

**April 2012**

"I'm in love with you. That's what's wrong, you idiot!" she shouted at him, her frustration at herself, him and this situation suddenly overwhelming her.

Emily had been dreaming of this moment all week long. For the first time in decades she had let herself be hopeful...think that just maybe it would all work out...but as soon as she started to tell Reid how she felt he said the dreaded F word: friends.

And it reminded her how stupid she truly was.

Here she was at forty-one years old and she was desperately in love with a man eleven years younger than her who didn't see her that way at all. What had she been thinking when she decided to confess her feelings to Reid? How had she really thought tonight would end: his sexy, lithe frame grinding against her until the break of dawn?

What kind of idiot was she to have actually believe that? Emily felt like nothing more than an old fool- and that was the worst kind cause she should be old enough to know better. To know that there are no beautiful moments riding off into the sunset for people like her.

That Reid wouldn't say back "I'm in love with you too."

And he didn't. Instead he said "I'm far from an idiot...wait a minute...what did you just say?"

She stood there frozen beneath his stare for a long moment. He reached out for her but she jerked away.

"Don't! Can we just act like this never happened? I was fooling myself. You need to go now, okay? Just go away, Reid. I'm the idiot."


	20. Chapter 20

**_Prompt:_**

_Now we're here with the lights turned low  
>We won't regret anything we do <em>

_It's up to you so make your move  
>Move a little closer, hold me tighter<br>I'll stay if you're gonna keep me in line  
><em>

_Don't want it to be over._

_Move, move slower._

**April 2012**

"Lets just act like this never happened," Emily told Reid, referring to her confession of being in love with him.

"I can't do that."

"Reid-."

"I won't do that, Emily." He walked near to where she stood by the door of her apartment. "If I leave here, how do I know you won't disappear from my life again? Go away and take all your secrets with you like you did last year."

"I won't. That will never happen again."

"You won't because we need each other too much for that. I...it took me a long time to admit it to myself...and, at the same time, it feels like it happened in an instance...but it didn't happen quickly. It just all came together for me in a flash."

"Please don't say you suddenly realized tonight you love me too cause we both know that would be a lie. I saw your face when I said it. You were floored. You didn't see what I said coming."

"Because I couldn't imagine a woman as everything as you loving a man as nothing as me."

"Nothing? How can you say that about yourself? You're more than just smart, Reid. You're what men should be: brave but unaware of it, funny but in a quirky way, always kind and caring and good. Don't ever call yourself nothing in front of me again."

"I always felt like nothing special until the moment you said you love me."


	21. Chapter 21

**Prompt 21:**

_I don't wanna hurt nobody  
>But my heart just can't hold back<em>

_It's the way you make me feel  
>Spinning my world around<em>

_Tell me how can I walk away  
>I don't care what they say<br>I'm loving you anyway_

**April 2012**

Reid told Emily "I felt like nothing special until the moment you said you love me."

Her mind was fighting believing it was true but her heart soared at hearing his words.

He cupped her face in his hands and leaned down so his forehead rested against hers. Their breaths mingled. She slid even closer to him, her hands moving to his chest to caress it.

Reid went on "I didn't just realize I have feelings for you tonight...I realized it the day you flirted with that cop right in front of me."

"Huh?" she asked, feeling dazed and having no recollection of flirting with any cop.

"February 23rd at 8:54am in Seattle. You laughed at his joke and made a sexual innuendo. I've never known jealousy like that before. I could taste it in my mouth. I hated him because you wanted him."

"I want you, Reid. Only you," she whispered, her eyes moving down to his lips and back up to meet his gaze again. "I don't even remember what cop you're talking about."

"I remember though. I'll never forget because that was the moment I knew I wanted you to want me the way you wanted him."

"You didn't say anything."

"You called me brave a couple minutes ago. I'm not brave when it comes to feelings."

"Me either." She stroked the stubble on his cheek, her lips getting nearer and nearer to his until he jerked her body that last little distance between them and brought his mouth down on hers.


	22. Chapter 22

**Prompt 22:**

_All of the words in all of my life  
>that could never explain and never describe<em>

_all of my love which is nothing to hide  
>So I lift up my hands and I worship you<em>

**May 2013**

"I'm not sure I even believe in God," Reid said, uncomfortable at this ritual.

"Well I do," Emily told him, before looking down at the baby that he was holding in his arms. "Look at us- the three of us can't be an accident. There has to be a big guy in the sky making this all work out right."

"In the sky? Even if there is an afterlife it would make no sense to refer to it as 'the sky' because it would be a different dimension entirely."

"I'll teach our baby about religion."

"Why would you do that when I know every major religious work of the last twenty centuries by heart?"

"But you don't feel them in your heart. I do. I feel God every second of every day when I know I have you and our daughter to love me."

Reid smiled at Emily, content with her explanation. There had been a time when they were both desperately in need of a person to share their life with, to have and hold, to love and fight with and someone to want to be the parent of their offspring.

And for so long that person was right there at the desk next to them in the BAU, but they had both been unable to admit it. Now it was the day they were christening their daughter, surrounded by their family and friends, and there was no longer any secrets left between them.

No more desperate aching left in their souls. They had each other and their newborn girl. That was everything to both of them. Now they both felt lucky in love.

THE END


End file.
